Working through the Pain

Today is not one of my better days. I felt pretty rotten last night and the pain woke me up twice early this morning.  With the amount of medicine I take just to be able to sleep, I shouldn’t be woken up by the pain.  It’s not fair, but that’s life.  Of late, my sleep (or what passes for sleep for me) has been disturbed by lots of weird dreams and nightmares.  I even managed to elbow my husband in the nose the other night because I was thrashing around so much due to a nightmare.  Poor guy.  At least I didn’t give him a black eye or anything like that.  That would be hard to explain.

Fibromyalgia sufferers have to fight through varying degrees of pain every day just to do our jobs, household errands, chores, etc.  Some days are not so bad.  Some days, like today for me, are really bad.  Today is one of those days when my head is pounding, light hurts my eyes and head, and the absolute last thing I want to be doing is sitting in front of a computer screen doing my job. Today is a day when I have trouble turning my sluggish thoughts into coherent words to say to my coworkers. It takes an effort to get my thoughts into words and push them out of my mouth. My memory is even worse than normal on days like this.  That’s in addition to being a space cadet half the time from fibro fog. It’s not fun. And through all of this, I have two deadlines at work I have to meet and I have  to keep 100 things straight and keep the team on track to meet our deadlines.  It’s going to be a long day.

I remember with longing the days when the worst I had to fight through to do my job was feeling like my head was full of cotton balls on a bad allergy day, or when I had a migraine headache.  Then, I got migraines 3 or 4 times a year.  Now, I’ve had a migraine every day for the last 4 years.  Even better, I remember the days in college when I had whatever bug was going around the campus and all I had to do was roll out of bed, go to class in my pajamas, make it through class awake while pretending to take notes, then crawl back in bed and go back to sleep until my next class.  Now those were the days!  If only we could have nap time at work to help us recharge a bit to make it through the rest of the day.  Too bad life isn’t like preschool.

I will persevere though.  I’ll make it through this day.  I’ll do my work and keep my projects on track to meet my deadlines.  Then I’ll go home and crash.  Maybe I’ll even treat myself to some ice cream…that is if my stomach isn’t a nauseous wreck from the pain by then.  Let the countdown to the end of the workday begin.

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