I Get No Relief

You know that feeling when you come home after a long, long day and fall into your oh so comfy bed and your whole body breathes a sigh of relief? Yeah, I miss that feeling. I get no such relief thanks to fibromyalgia. I wish I could experience that blissful feeling again when your whole body relaxes and melts into the bed and all the tension of the day just evaporates. I wish I could lay in my bed without experiencing pain. And not just the normal 24/7 pain of fibromyalgia, but pain caused by laying in bed. If I lay in bed too long, I get up bruised and beaten. I can’t win. Standing up and moving around hurts. Laying in bed hurts. What do you want from me, fibro monster?

I’ve had a long couple of days at work and I was exhausted when I got home today. I told myself I’ll just lay down for a bit and then I’ll get up, exercise and have some dinner. All I wanted was for my body to be able to relax and some of the tension from the last few days to leave my body. I just wanted to recharge my batteries a bit before tackling the daily (or almost every day) workout and yoga session I have to do to manage my fibro pain. I lay here willing my body to relax but the longer I lay, the worse the pain got. My legs and hips tightened up and my lower back went from tight to cramped to throbbing. My headache went from bad to worse. No matter what position I tried or how many times I got up to stretch out an aching part of my body, I couldn’t find a comfortable position that would allow my body to relax. So I finally gave up and got out of bed and started moving around. Moving around at least loosened up my painfully tight muscles a tiny bit.

Fibromyalgia changes everything in your life. It turns your life upside down. It takes away a lot of things and it makes you appreciate the little things. I used to take for granted that feeling of collapsing into bed and your whole body breathing a sigh of relief. Now, I wish I could experience it just one more time.

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