With St. Patrick’s Day coming up I thought I’d repost this Irish blessing. Hope everyone is doing well. Happy Friday. Wishing you as pain free a weekend as possible!
Originally posted 9/22/12
With St. Patrick’s Day coming up I thought I’d repost this Irish blessing. Hope everyone is doing well. Happy Friday. Wishing you as pain free a weekend as possible!
Originally posted 9/22/12
I’ve been working through a lot the past year and a half, and perhaps most especially the last few months. I came across this this morning and it struck a chord so I wanted to share. I think of all the lessons I have learned, “You will relapse and that’s okay – as long as you keep fighting,” is the most important. I’ve been frustrated by the feeling that I recover from one physical ailment just to have another one come at me that I have to deal with. Life is a rollercoaster sometimes and sometimes all you can do is roll with the ups and downs as they come. I’ve also learned to get the most enjoyment out of the “ups” as I can. It’s important to enjoy those times while they last. They help you get through the “downs.”
“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins not through strength, but through persistence.” –Peter Davies
Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day! In honor of this, I thought I’d repost one of my first posts discussing what fibromyalgia is. Wear your purple today and show everyone you are a fibromyalgia warrior! #FibromyalgiaAwarenessDay
What is Fibromyalgia?
For those of you who (unfortunately) aren’t already intimately aware of what fibromyalgia is, I thought I’d give a brief introduction to it. Fibromyalgia is also know as Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) and chronic pain disorder. It actually has some links to PTSD, as far as the way the brain works — or rather the way it works but isn’t supposed to be working. Here is the definition of fibromyalgia from the Mayo Clinic’s website. I find that WebMD has some outdated information on fibromyalgia and prefer to reference sites like Mayo’s.
Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. Symptoms sometimes begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress. In other cases, symptoms gradually accumulate over time with no single triggering event.
Women are much more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression.
While there is no cure for fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help.
The pain associated with fibromyalgia often is described as a constant dull ache, typically arising from muscles. To be considered widespread, the pain must occur on both sides of your body and above and below your waist.
Fibromyalgia is characterized by additional pain when firm pressure is applied to specific areas of your body, called tender points. Tender point locations include:
Fatigue and sleep disturbances
People with fibromyalgia often awaken tired, even though they report sleeping for long periods of time. Sleep is frequently disrupted by pain, and many patients with fibromyalgia have other sleep disorders, such as restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea, that further worsen symptoms.
If you want to read more about fibromyalgia, here is the link to information it through the Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079/
For me, fibromyalgia at it’s best is the “dull ache” described in the information above. I hurt everywhere, all the time. I have trouble relating to people how much pain I’m in. If you’ve never been in chronic pain, then you really have no clue what I’m going through. The closest analogy I can come up with — and it’s a poor one — is having a migraine headache only the headache is your entire body. It hurts to move, it sometimes hurts to breath, sometimes it even hurts to be awake. I have every single “tender point” in the so-called diagnostic test where your doctor pokes you all over and if you yelp in pain to enough of his pokes, then you have fibromyalgia. My rheumatologist did that to me once and it spiked my pain so badly, he hasn’t done it again. He likes to do it at every check up to see how much his patients improve, but for me he doesn’t bother. I can tell him if I’m improving or not and don’t need him spiking my pain by poking me.
I often use the scale of 1 to 10 (1 being no pain and 10 being the most pain you can imagine) to try to tell people, especially my husband and immediate family, how much pain I’m in on any given day. An average to good day is a 5 or a 6 on that scale for me. I always feel the worst right when I wake and as the evening progresses. 10am to 2pm is the best part of the day for me, and unfortunately I spend those hours at work. After 4 solid years of non-stop, chronic pain, you get used to a certain amount of pain. On the good days where I drop below a 5, it’s actually kind of startling to suddenly realize “Hey, I’m feeling pretty good right now. My pain isn’t terrible.” At those times, your inclination is to rush out and do something fun, or something you don’t normally have the energy to do, like go shopping. That’s an urge you have to fight because if you overdo it any given day, you’ll pay for it the next day. Living with fibro is all about balance. Balance in everything. You have to balance the amount of time you sit in one place (like at your desk) with the amount of time you stretch, walk around, and exercise. You have to get a full 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night to balance out the toll the pain takes on you every day. You have to balance out your depression with good emotions to try to stay in the “up beat” state of mind doctors have found leads to the least amount of pain on a daily basis for people with fibro. You have to eat a balanced diet. You have to balance the time you spend working with time you spend on yourself, meeting your needs and your pain’s needs. You have to balance the time you spend with your husband and family with the time you want to spend in bed, exhausted, just giving in to the pain for awhile.
This blog is about my search for balance in life. My path to making the best of my life in pain. My search for the best path out of the mess fibro has made of my life. I’m always trying to make myself feel better, be better. I’m trying to learn to control my pain and improve my quality of life, and thereby improve the quality of life of my husband and those around me who are affected by my fibro. I hope that writing about my experiences and my journey will help me but will also help anyone out there reading this as well.
R – is definitely for remember. Fibromyalgia is tough on your life. Most of us were Type A personalities that would thrive on the stress of our lives or careers. Once this lovely syndrome Velcros itself to us, we remember with longing our lives and for those of us who lost it….our careers.
R – which brings us to reinvent. If you lost your job or career, Fibromyalgia causes you to have to reinvent your life purpose. This is a tough one. I still struggle with this one but every time someone comments how I’ve helped them I know that I’ve found something that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It has given me a creative outlet and it’s given me purpose.
R – is for reluctance. Even though I’ve found an outlet, I’ve been reluctant to let my old life go. I still go through periods of longing and wish I could try sales again. Every time I think I can do it a doozy of a flare serves as a reality check. Ooh……another R.
R – Here we go. Reality check. Like I said…..just when I think I can disregard my body and run headlong into another idea, a flare comes along and slaps me and says….”not so fast…”
R – is for rebellious. Yes, I’m a rebel. Just look back at the other words. I try to live in a way that is kind to my body but every now and then I say…..eff it and push myself. I need to keep saying…”if you push you will pay.” I cannot forget this because it is true.
R – is for relax. I need to do this more often. It’s not in my nature to live on the comatose side of life but I push too much. If we just close our eyes….shut out the world…..it will help our pain. When life’s challenges come at us: just relax.
R – is for recognize. Listen to your body and recognize what it’s trying to tell you. I know that my flares usually start in my hands. I’ll start rubbing them and then, before I know it, the old familiar ache starts to spread throughout my body. It’s also very important to write symptoms and feelings down for your doctor. I hope you have one that listens to you.
R – is for reminders. When the fog hits and you don’t know why you walked into a room it’s helpful to have little reminders around. I make lists and lists in my phone. I have all my appointments in the calendar. What screws me up is that I forget to look at my phone.
R – is for those restless nights. Even though we have fatigue, we don’t get enough restorative sleep. Thank goodness for my iPad. I don’t know what I’d do without it. To try to get to sleep, I spray lavender on my pillow and I use melatonin tabs called Mid Nites. I know there’s medication to help sleep but I take muscle relaxers and pain medication. I’m afraid to take a sleeping pill on top of that.
R – is for responsible. Remember that all medications are powerful and we need to be responsible with them. That means responsible in taking them and responsible in where we keep them. If you have others in the house with you take care who has access to them.
R – is for relatives. My hope is that they recognize what is happening to you and don’t make you feel like your faking it or being lazy. Fibromyalgia is real. It’s tough enough to deal with the symptoms of this illness without friends or relatives making it worse. If you have people in your life that don’t believe you, get to a support group. Reach out….it will help you. None of us can go through this alone.
R – is for realization. Fibromyalgia isn’t going away and right now there is no cure. We need to learn management tools so that we don’t get overwhelmed. Fortunately, there is a research going on out there that may help point to a cause.
R – is for renewed. I may not get enough sleep but each day I wake up feeling a sense of renewal. I know that life could be a whole lot worse so I try to be grateful for each day. Gratitude and laughter go a long way.
R – is for rewarding. Thank you so much for reading my blog and commenting. All of you have truly given my life a direction that has so much meaning. It truly is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.
R – is for ridiculous.
Reduce it down to the ridiculous and find something to laugh about each and every day.
Find joy and happiness and love.
Sometimes the pain makes it very difficult but find it…in spite of the pain.
Originally posted on 8/14/2012. Thought I’d repost one of my favorite blog entries on this New Year’s Eve.
My boss and I happened to leave work at the same time yesterday, so we had the usual elevator chat, this time about our pets. Half of my brain was focused on conversing with her, and the other half was thinking how I couldn’t wait to go home and rest because my head was really pounding and I was achy all over. It struck me then that my boss must wonder why I have to stretch a lot at work and take walks when I need them. When you look at me, you don’t see anything wrong. It’s not like I have a broken arm or something visible like that. I’m usually in a good mood too. My rheumatologist has told me that research has shown that fibromyalgia sufferers have a degree of pain reduction and fewer flare ups when they are able to keep in a mostly happy, optomistic frame of mind. I really work hard to keep this outlook now as I’ve noticed it does help over the long haul. It is not an easy thing to do and there are many days that I fake my cheerful mood until I actually am cheerful. So not only do the people I pass every day at work or in town not see anything wrong with me, when you talk to me I don’t sound sick. I’m not coughing up a lung or losing my voice. I look and sound healthy.
I wish I was an artist and could draw the face that everyone sees and then draw the face of pain behind it. That ugly face with scars from battling chronic pain for years. The battle-worn and weary face of a career soldier battling fibromyalgia all day, every day. Those two faces would look so different as to startle the viewer, I think. But no one can see our pain-weary faces. They only see our healthy looking bodies, not the pain and emotional upheaval inside. Most of us hide the emotions we feel in response to living with chronic pain. It’s either hard for us to show that to people, or they don’t understand it anyway so what’s the point? We fight our pain every day, but it is an all but invisible to those around us. Those closest to us see our efforts but they cannot see our pain. They empathize as best they can but that pain we experience day in and day out is not visible on our bodies. It’s not a wound they can see and try to help us heal.
The face of fibromyalgia is an invisible face. No one can see it or feel it but us. I think the world would have a better appreciation of what we go through, the daily battle we wage, if they could see the true face of fibromyalgia. Instead, people see normal, healthy looking people who have problems doing their job for some invisible reason they say is chronic pain. No wonder some people just do not believe in fibromyalgia. They can’t see any evidence of it and seeing is believing. We struggle every day to do our jobs, take care of our families, take care of our homes, etc., all while combating our pain. It isn’t fair but it is our reality. So much of our existence is invisible to everyone around us. Maybe that’s why I hate the “How are you?” question so much. I can say I’m doing okay today or that it’s not one of my good days, but that doesn’t mean anything to anyone because they can’t see it with their own eyes.
What do you think the invisible face of fibromyalgia looks like?
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” –David Russell This is so true. My natural inclination is to never burn any bridge and to keep everyone liking me. Well, that takes way too much effort, I’ve learned, and you don’t get a good enough return on your investment of so much time and energy. Sometimes you just have to burn a bridge and get on with your life. It hurts but it’s a necessary pain I think. Or at least that’s what I’ve learned in life. And sometimes the bridge you need to cross is the harder path, the path less travelled as one of my favorite poems says. But the harder the path, the bigger the reward, or so I continue to hope.
South Africa and the world lost a great man yesterday. As President Obama said, he doesn’t below to us anymore, he belongs to the ages. I grew up hearing of his struggle in the news. I read about him in textbooks. I studied him in my Political Science classes in college. I’ve followed his life and career for much of my adult life. In college, I especially enjoyed learning about him. We spent so much time in college studying the Founding Fathers and other US political giants, it was nice to read about someone who was alive in the present world political climate. Not only alive, but a pillar of humanity who had made so many amazing changes in his country and kept struggling every day to better the lives of his people. He was a modern-day hero, as NBC News termed it last night. I loved that he practiced what he preached. And his words always rang with such honest conviction. When he spoke, the world stopped to listen.
As a student of political science, I admired everything that Nelson Mandela accomplished, first as a protestor and revolutionary and then as president of his country. He was instrumental in ending apartheid. Now, as a woman who suffers from fibromyalgia, I admire his strength, courage, and his ability to never, ever give up. I suffer from chronic pain every single day. I battle my own body every single day. The pain knocks me down all the time and I have dig deep every time to get back up and continue my fight. But this man suffered so much more and yet he never, ever gave up. He kept fighting the good fight, even when we was locked up in prison for 27 years. He served as a worldwide inspiration even from a prison cell, and perhaps especially because of this. His accomplishments and inspirational words will be remembered for generations to come. He will be missed.
I like this quote. We fibromyalgia and chronic pain sufferers must have extremely strong souls after all our trials and suffering!
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”
Fibromyalgia isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. Each day is its own separate trial where we battle the pain of our invisible disease. We don’t aim so much to beat it but to make it through the day. Make it through to get to the next battle. But we fibro sufferers are fighters. Maybe stubborn too. I know I am. I treat each day as a fresh start. How good or bad yesterday was pain wise doesn’t matter. Today is a new chance at a good day. And if it is a good day, I make the most of it. If it’s a bad day, I still try to make the most of it. I keep fighting. I persevere. Maybe one day they will have a cure. I hope so. Then our perseverance will really have paid off!
I really enjoyed watching President Obama speak yesterday during the celebrations marking the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington and Martin Luther King, Jr.’s famous “I have a Dream” speech. I enjoyed it in part because the first African American President stood there, where MLK once stood, to mark the anniversary of such an important moment in the civil rights movement. That alone is a powerful representation of just how far we’ve come. I enjoyed President Obama’s speech because it was a celebration of everyone who is a fighter — whether it be someone who fights for civil liberties or someone — like me — who fights every day against the tide of pain in my own body. His speech celebrated the fighter in all of us, but resonated especially with the fibro fighter in me. There were two parts of his speech that I liked the most and I have not seen them anywhere in the media as pundits favorite excerpts from the President’s speech. They do not speak to policy issues, the civil rights movement, current affairs, or anything else likely to catch the attention of the 24-hour news networks eye these days. They speak to something in the human spirit that lets us keep going even in the face of never ending chronic pain, as we sufferers chronic illnesses face. That part of our selves that said “I will not quit” or “I won’t let this beat me.” That let’s us never give up. That lets us keep putting on foot in front of the other and marching forward no matter what we face or how much pain each step causes us. I hope you enjoy these two quotes as much I as do.
His speech celebrated the fighter in all of us, but resonated especially with the fibro fighter in me.
I love this quote. It takes me a little extra umph to get through every day with my fibromyalgia. And every day is a little victory because of it. The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. –Unknown
“We must be willing to relinquish the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”